Beginnings...

The decision was made just a few days ago. We are going to have a baby. It seemed like your Daddy and I would never come to the place that we even wanted children. Don't take me wrong...we loved youth. We both work with youth as a part of our careers, and children's church was one of the things your Daddy has always loved to do. Our lives were so hectic, with so little time even for ourselves, let alone for another life...another human being...we just couldn't see it happening. There were many days when the subject would come up and we would just come to the conclusion that it could never happen. And for the most part, we were satisfied with that answer.

So what made us change our minds? Many different factors. Watching the joy on the faces of our friends as they experienced parenthood for the first time...feeling the push to continue our family line...experiencing the loneliness of being childless when all our peers were new parents...
But mostly it was the understanding that this life would be the culmination of the love your Daddy and I have for each other. You would be a piece of both of us -- a miracle crafted by God as an expression of His love for us and our love for each other.

So here we are. I take a deep breath and try to push down the nervousness that rises up in me at the thought of such tremendous responsibility. One voice in my head says, "Don't worry. You'll be fine. You'll be a great mom." Another voice says, "Are you crazy? You can't even keep your house clean now!" But the choice is made. And now we wait for God's timing for me to get pregnant.

But until then....and afterward....I want to write to you. To tell you who I am and what I'm thinking. Perhaps someday you'll read it and love me all the more for the knowing. And perhaps someday you'll be able to make a big decision knowing if love is the reason behind it, everything will be okay.