I want to set the record straight on something. I HATE being away from you, Petra Sky.
Ever since you and daddy started staying with Grandma and Grandaddy, and I've been forced to stay here in Henderson so I can finish out my time at my current job, I have been a miserable mommy. I miss you more than you can ever imagine. I stand in your room sometimes and choke back tears because I feel like a part of me is missing. I can't imagine what it must be like for parents who are divorced and this is the way it is all the time - only seeing their children on the weekends. It's just not worth it! I feel like you are growing up without me, even though it's only been a very short time. Your sweet little voice on the telephone makes my heart ache. When we are together on the weekends, I love cuddling up to you and holding you. I love all the kisses you give so freely.
This whole process is hard on you, and that hurts me too. You don't understand why I have to be away from you and daddy. You don't understand why we had to leave our home and why we still haven't found a 'new house'. You don't understand why daddy is sad all the time or why mommy can't play with you sometimes because she has to spend time 'helping' him feel better. How can I explain depression to a four-year-old? How can I explain a struggling economy, or job loss, or a bad real estate market? I try. I try hard. I tell you that it's not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong. You are good and smart and wonderful and beautiful and things won't always be like this. We won't always be apart.
I promise.
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I wish daddy had only known! I would have changed it all! If I could have seen, understood, or had been told...I would have wanted to move heaven and earth to make you and mommy happy! I was sick...oh how I wish I had never had depression! Oh how I wish my distorted thinking had not lashed out at mommy! Oh how I wish I could change it all and have made mommy happy instead of sad! I am sorry about the past! But I promise ill never be just a weekend daddy. I love you both with all my heart and God has worked a miracle in daddy and the future is ours thanks to the grace and mercy of God!
Your mommy always said to me when I was worried about money, "David, God has always provided for us all these years and He will not fail us now". He sure is! My biggest need was to have a healed mind, which God has now done...but what mommy needed was a strong loving husband. I failed in the past...but never again. I love and adore you and mommy and I always will. - daddy
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