IT'S A GIRL!!!

Wow! You have an identity now...Petra Sky Bryan. Today we had that important ultrasound to find out if you are a boy or girl....and you're a girl (at least there's an 80% chance you are!). Your daddy, my mom (Grammy) and your daddy's mom (Grandma) and dad (Grandpa) were all there when the ultrasound was done. You were all curled up in a little ball sleeping when we started, but a little poking and prodding soon had you moving around, scratching the side of your head and, of course, crossing your legs! Eventually the technician, Pam, said she was 80% sure you are a girl. She said everything looked very healthy and from her measurments you are about 13 oz. in size.

I'm so excited to be able to put a name to this little bundle inside me now...and we can also start picking out clothes and toys and things for you. That will be lots of fun. Your daddy is thrilled that he's going to have a 'daddy's girl' and I'm so happy too. Even though I had thought a lot about having a boy, I see what a great relationship I have with my own mother now that I'm older and I look forward to having that with you too.

I love you, Petra Sky...

Girl or Boy?

This Friday, if all goes well (and you cooperate!) your Daddy and I will be going for an ultrasound that will hopefully tell us whether you are a girl or a boy. Both of us are so excited just to be able to finally call you by name (Luke or Petra) instead of constantly referring to you as 'the baby' or 'her or him'. Also it will mean we'll be able to start looking for clothes and other gender specific things to add to our baby registry so when loved ones shop for our upcoming baby showers they can get you lots of nice things!

We will be happy if you are just healthy, no matter what you are, but deep down I really hope you are a boy. I've always had a better connection it seems with the men in my life, and I guess the thoughts of you being a boy intimidate me a little less. I wonder if I could handle another hormonal, emotional female in the house. Your Daddy really hopes you are a girl though. He always had a lot of good friends who were girls, and he spent a lot of time growing up around his female relatives. I guess he's wishing out of his feelings of comfort then too. No matter what, I am so excited to see what kind of amazing and unique personality God will bless you with and how much you really are a combination of me and your daddy. I hope you have his peace-making abilities, his people skills, and his positive attitude. I hope you have my love for reading and learning, my creativity, and my tenacity. Most of all I hope you inherit from both of us a love for Christ that will far outstretch anything else you do.

I love you...

Understanding the Unexplainable

Your daddy and I have experienced some difficult situations at the church these past few weeks, both of them dealing with the deaths of family members of our church people. The first one was the hardest because we had to comfort a young couple who had just lost their first baby. The baby was born premature and despite the best efforts of the doctors, she didn't make it. It was so heartrending to sit with that young mother as she held her lifeless child in her arms. You would have been proud of your daddy -- he did such an amazing job of comforting the mom and dad and saying all the right things to let them know that grief was okay, denial was okay, and even getting angry at God was okay. He even held the little baby for awhile because the mother asked him to. I guess she wanted someone to treat her little child as a baby and not an object.

As I sat there quietly, I thought of you and prayed desperately for your health and safety. I know that woman made some bad choices during her pregnancy that may have contributed to the death of her child, and I hope I'm doing all the right things for you -- watching what I eat and drink, being careful as to the activities I do, trying (semi-successfully) to get more sleep... Emotionally, afterward when we were leaving the hospital, I was really torn up. Your daddy comforted me and took me to dinner where we tried as best we could to erase the painful image from our mind.

Pain and grief are inevitable parts of life. Sometimes we can understand and pinpoint the cause, whether it be our own bad choices or the choices of others. Sometimes pain is not so easily explained -- bad things do happen to good people, to people who love and serve the Lord with all their hearts, to people who don't deserve it. We cannot reason those things away with religious cliches or hollow explanations. Suffice it to say that God is omnipotent and we are not. He does not bring suffering upon us, but He sometimes does allow it to touch us. The reasons for unexplainable suffering will remain beyond our grasp until that day when we see Him face to face and all things become clear. Until we can see our role, and the role of our pain, in the greater scheme of things, we have to work through our grief to the place where we can trust again.

I love you, little one.